Well, I honestly thought you were kidding on Sunday when you reached underneath your dirty car seat and pulled out an oozing packet of “fancy” ketchup, saying it was the inspiration for your next work of literary art, but low and behold here we are.

I personally have never come across the likes of a box of “Chicken in a Bisket” crackers in my life, however I have to protest your position on “Keebler Townhouse Topplers”. I have, on many occasions, fallen victim to a topple or two…mostly in a cheese situation when the weight of a good cheddar can cause the helpless cracker, well, to crack, under pressure. This brand in particular produces a lot of crumbs, which can be embarrassing when the topple occurs at, let’s say at a friend’s party and you have to spit them out on the floor because you’re choking to death or during some business affair when your eating habits and knowledge of the proper usage of silverware can make or break your next career move.

Regarding “Krusteaz” I think I will keep what I know of your personal crusty issues/situations to myself. Why scar anyone else with what I know…and will probably take years of therapy to get over.

The whole topic of “Food for Thought” actually inspired some thinking of my own and as I started to look at the branding/advertising/packaging of products I found some real doozies during a quick Google search. They have a strange similarity, which does make me question the profession we’ve chosen, Pete. See if you can figure it out…(I don’t know how to add a picture so I had to type in the names):

- “A&K Lick a Chick Restaurant” (best chicken on the “island” apparently)
- “Grace’s Cock Flavoured Soup Mix”
- “Nobby’s Nuts”
- “Heinz’s Microwaveable Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding”(Fancy Ketchup’s cousin)
- “Mr. Pork’s 4 Pork Faggots” – (seriously, what the hell?)
- “Bubba’s Bear Balls”
- “Pump and Munch”

I think you get the idea here. My favorite among the lot…”Ultra Movement Tampons…Store In a Warm, Damp Place.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting out this business pronto! We make telemarketers look good! Tomorrow I’m filling out an application at Krispy Kreme donuts…or maybe Beaver Cleaners at the corner of Green and Emery Roads.

OK, I’ve taken up too much space so I’m saying goodnight…but one last thing. Nice phallic pepper shaker.