A Mini-Vacation
(Note: This week’s entry will be very abbreviated, as I didn’t get a chance to write all weekend).
Boy, am I exhausted. This past weekend I went to Chicago (thus, no WEEKEND UPDATE) with my friends Eran and Kate. We stayed right on the Magnificent Mile (my hotel, the Allerton, was right on Michigan Avenue; the girls chose to stay at the Wyndham, a block East). I was on the 17th floor overlooking all the stores, which was nice for people-watching (except the people looked really small, like bugs scurrying around with shopping bags, which was a little creepy). We met up with our mutual friend Mary Beth and had a nice lunch with her fiancée, Dan, and their baby, Tommy. Tommy ordered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich off the children’s menu. They brought him the biggest sandwich I’ve ever seen. I don’t know who the chef is at the Allerton, where we were eating, but they really shouldn’t have made such a vulgar sandwich for a little baby. (These huge portions are making America a nation of fat slobs)
Well, during our stay we drank a lot, ate some good meals and had a lot of laughs. I had some fantastic sushi and sashimi on Friday night at a place called Sushi Samba. It was so delicious, it made me dizzy. On Saturday we ate at a place called Feast in Wicker Park (also sort of creepy—I kept thinking of the original Wicker Man movie which always skeedges me out). Then on Sunday we had brunch at a place called West Egg and headed home. All that driving really aggravated my lumbago. Today my knees and ankles and legs and hips are all stiff and I’m walking funny. I’m also really, really tired. I almost fell asleep at the wheel on my way to an 8:00 a.m. client meeting this morning. When I get sleepy in the car, I have this trick where I turn the radio up really loud and sing at the top of my lungs. I don’t sing along with the words, though. I substitute the words to the songs with really raunchy obscenities. For some reason, that wakes me up—oh well, I guess you have to do whatever gets you through the day.
There sure are a lot of stores, most of them very expensive, in Chicago. And a lot of people buying things from them, too. I didn’t buy anything, though. The trip itself cost me a fortune. Between the hotel, booze and the meals, I blew through money like it was toilet paper. I was hoping the trip would help me to unwind and relax, but now I need to scrimp for the next couple of months to get back into my financial comfort zone, and that makes me very nervous and uptight because my greatest fear is financial ruin (followed closely by testicular cancer).
Oh, and Chicago was really hot and sticky this weekend and the air conditioning in my hotel room didn’t work very well, so that was a bummer.
I hope you don’t mind if I expand on a few details from the trip. The weekend, to your point, was very very enjoyable, but I also found it to be quite educational as well.
For instance, I learned that there is a “cleansing protocol” which I was not aware of prior to our jaunt to the windy city. For those of you who have also been in the dark about this ritual, let me enlighten you… apparently when you move your bowels (I just screamed when I wrote that foul word!)you have to go through a 3 step process to become purified until the next “movement.”
The process begins by neatly tearing off half a roll of toilet paper and carefully placing it on the towel bar or sink next to you until the act is completed. THEN you take a baby wipe…the brand doesn’t matter…and clean any left over residue. THEN you take the other half of the roll of toilet paper and wipe yourself dry. This process alone has the potential to destroy the entire ecosystem, but for the sake of cleanliness you’re willing to take that risk. I admire that.
The next lesson I learned was of equal importance. Just about 100 miles outside of Cleveland I finally learned the difference between deodorant and deodorant with antiperspirant. I now know that deodorant only stops sweating while deodorant with antiperspirant may smell good, but doesn’t do much for the actual sweating part. I also now know that deodorant with antiperspirant is the culprit for yellow sweat stains in the armpit of shirts, blouses, etc. Yesterday I went to Whole Foods and bought Tom’s of Maine DEODORANT. Although I’m not much of a sweater, I do feel more confident about my bodily excretions (yet another foul word!).
Lastly, I now know that walking 7 miles for the perfect martini is worth the trouble as long as it doesn’t inflict too much sweating and challenges your sense of direction…which is impeccable by the way. I never doubted you for a second! And I think your lack of sweat possibly had something to do with your intake of water (your “supplies)”, which well exceeded the FDA recommended 8 12 oz. glasses a day.
On a completely separate, but related note…I think I can speak for Kate and myself in saying that you totally screwed us on the hotel, keeping that little gem known as the Allerton to yourself. Sure, you lead us on with a “great deal” at the Wyndham only to find that you made reservations at that swanky hotel…albeit it did come with that gross concierge sporting a bad perm and recommending sushi restaurants that closed 3 years ago. We know you well enough to realize that you and your traveling fan prefer going solo. You had the good bath products too, which has left us bitter and likely to hold a grudge for a LONG time.
On a positive note, thank you for driving this weekend…it gave you an excuse to clean your car, turning it into the luxury vehicle it’s supposed to be. Also, when you slowed down to maybe 15 mph to drop us off we truly appreciated your sacrifice.
And finally, you forgot to mention our visit with Pokorny who looks great and managed to copp-a-feel during picture taking time. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
I have to go to a meeting now. Have a great day.
P.S. Thank you for supporting me in my purchase of that cute coat, when my OTHER two friends mocked the old-ladiness of it. You have a keen sense of fashion and I trust your judgment completely.
Eran
August 26, 2008 at 10:43 am
With regards to my Tommy making your blog -As you stated most perfectly the other day “Thank God you got a cute one – otherwise you may not have liked it.”
Mary Beth
August 26, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I remember who Shields and Yarnell are now!!! But Glen Campbell is still my favorite.
Eran
August 26, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I wannnnnnnnna meet Tommy!!! (did you hear the whine???) Pete, I’m perusing your rantings thanks to Eran’s nudge and can I just tell you how much I miss listening to you whine?!?
Laura
September 6, 2008 at 4:32 pm