The Scarvelis Dump

I’ve been receiving a lot of comments on the blog, especially over the past two weeks or so. Many of them are available to read at the end of each entry—these comments are from people I talk to daily, and I’ve thanked them for their input in person whenever possible. Most folks are a little surprised by the fact that before a comment hits the The Scarvelis Dump, I get an email asking me whether or not I approve of the comment. If I say “yes,” the comment is posted. If I reject approval, the comment will not appear.

 

Although most of the comments are suitable for my approval, there have been several that just haven’t made the cut. I typically screen all reader comments based on: contribution to the broader theme I’ve explored in each respective entry; coherence; voice and/or tone. I do, however, understand that in rejecting comments, I risk alienating my audience. The last thing I want to do is stifle genuine interest in The Scarvelis Dump. Thus, I thought I would take this opportunity, now that I have seven (lucky!) blog entries under my belt, to respond to some of the random, rejected reader comments I’ve received over the past months:

 

u make me want to puke!

-lonnie666

 

Dear lonnie666,

 

I’m so sorry to hear you’re not feeling well. Strange coincidence, because I’m feeling a little nauseated myself today. I drank too much this weekend. But, unlike you, I choose to blame myself instead of shooting nasty, venomous letters off to Miller Brewing and the Belvedere Vodka people. I’m sorry that my blog makes you feel like the monkey with a piece of tin foil that you are. You clearly have some major issues to work out and you are projecting your own feelings of inadequacy/failure onto me, a complete stranger, who is trying to make the world a little better for all of us. Please seek some professional help because your irrational anger is going to destroy you from the inside out. Do you try to ruin everybody and everything surrounding you? Jealousy and bitterness are corrosive poisons, not only to yourself, but to everything in your tiny, insignificant life.

 

In the meantime, may I suggest some Pepto Bismol or a nice glass of mint ginger ale? Or maybe some chamomile tea to sooth u’re upset stomach?

 

Dear Pete,

 

I love your blog! I was wondering, though…other than mentioning the Ronald Reagan assasination attempt in your paper route entry, you don’t discuss politics. Where do you stand on the current election?

 -MeanBean

 

Dear MeanBean,

 

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. As I mentioned, I receive most of my constructive reader comments from friends and acquaintances, so it’s refreshing to hear kind words from a new stranger.

 

To answer your question, I have never intended to impose my political views on my audience with this blog. This was a very conscious decision made early-on and I pride myself on having kept things relatively benign as far as this election, along with politics in general, are concerned. Since you took the time to say nice things to me, though, I’ll give you a subtile, albeit vague hint on my views of this year’s election: I will not be voting for a hypocritical, broken-down, demented old man and his vapid, completely inexperienced, Bible-thumping Pilgrim’s wife of a running mate this November.

 

Dear Scarvelis Dump,

 

I’ve been reading your blog and I can’t help but to notice that you seem to have a lot of bottled-up pain in your life. Maybe we can get together and I can help you work some things out.

 -daddyzgrrrl69

 

Dear daddyzgrrrl69,

 

You are very perceptive. I do experience occassional pain, especially in my lumbar region, which, in turn, affects my hips, knees, legs and ankles. It turns out that years of carrying my wallet in my left back pocket caused my L1 (and to a lesser degree, my L2) vertibrae disc to herniate. My condition does not require surgery and I continue to improve as the months go by. Typically, this sort of injury can heal completely in six to nine months with the proper stretches, exercise and intermittent use of over-the-counter anti-inflammitories, along with prescription muscle relaxers (I use Zanaflex), but only when absolutely neccessary. I’ve also been carrying my wallet in my left front pocket, which has made a world of difference.

 

Fortunately, I have a very high pain-threshold, which I think has been extremely helpful lately. Sometimes I’ll be working on a project (like replumbing my toilet or building something or tearing something apart) and I’ll suddenly realize that I’m covered in my own blood from wounds I’ve sustained but didn’t even notice or feel. Although this can be frightening at first, It also makes me feel really tough and resilient. I bet Teddy Roosevelt hurt himself a lot without noticing.

 

As for you, daddyzgrrrl69, I think you might be one of those who needs to “rescue” another person in order to feel whole and validated. So please stop letting me live rent-free in your head. May I suggest a pet, possibly a rescue greyhound or perhaps a homeless kitten? Taking in and caring for a needy pet can do wonders for one’s psyche and offers the type of positive companionship rarely found in unhealthy and destructive human relationships.

 

Hi Pete!

 

You put a lot of pictures on your blog, but none of yourself. What do you look like?

 -YoYoMe

 

Dear YoYoMe,

 

I look exactly like a young Laurence Olivier.

 

What do you look like, YoYoMe?

 

Dear Scarvelis,

 

I read your piece about the nightmare. I really think you should talk to somebody about this nightmare/sleepwalking issue you have. Alot of times dreams/sleep disturbances can be a sign of other things that are going on. Believe me, I’ve been there…there is help!

-MarcyMaze123 

 

Dear MarcyMaze123,

 

First of all, you really, really should not spell “A lot” as one word. That is a big pet peeve of mine, along with people who say, “irregardless” and “for all intents and purposes.” As a matter of fact, I’m sure the reality that I am constantly bombarded with these and a whole slew of other stupid misuses of the English language is solely behind my nightmares and sleepwalking. I think you need to skulk right back into that big glass house you live in and mind your own damned business.

 

Dear Mr. Scarvelis,

 

The blog is good. I don’t understand why you are so obsessed with food in your blog. It sure seems like your diet needs some balance. The sushi is definitely healthy, but all those ribeye steaks and pork chops and Big Macs are not. Please think about eating better…

-ConcernedFriend

 

Dear ConcernedFriend,

 

Do I know you? If we do know each other, then you know that I maintain the taut body of a 17 year-old Scandinavian boy. If we do not know each other, then you now know that I maintain the taut body of a 17 year-old Scandinavian boy. I come from some very robust genes, both on my mother’s and father’s sides of the family. Most of my male ancestors lived well into their 90s. Most of them smoked, drank and ate whatever they wanted in huge quantities. Genes are a very important indicator for a prediction of longevity, along with lifestyle. I choose to practice the lifestyle of my ancestors in order to insure a long life for myself. I refuse to eat a diet of carrots and lettuce and tofu and risk dropping dead when I’m 45.

 

Also, I think you’re a neurotic and I believe you need to find something else (other than harassing and criticizing me) to do with your own, very, very limited time on this planet.

 

WEEKEND UPDATE

 

This past Saturday I got up late, fixed a turkey sandwich for lunch (is that healthy enough for you, ConcernedFriend???) and went to a Cleveland International Airshow party at a downtown penthouse suite! We saw the Blue Angels perform. I sure am glad none of those planes wrecked into the building we were in! Later, Eran and I stopped at Marlin Kaplan’s newest restaurant, Luxe. I nursed two dirty martinis and Eran had a candy-colored drink. Eran also made us lots of new friends, as always. One new friend is the corned beef king of Cleveland!

 

On Sunday I got up late and went to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I liked the movie very much and went shopping at Crocker Park afterwards. Last night I drank too much and went to bed at 11:45.

 

This morning I couldn’t sleep very well so I got up early and watched the hurricane on TV and then wrote.